Read This Out

Broken Dream by My Sister, Ka Adek. A broken dream for me too, 'that woman' shattered my dream of becoming an uncle! I couldn't believe that she would do that. F*** Ada jua Urg Brunei buat mcm ani. Don't be fool if one day kamu mahu adopt a child. Don't worry kaka, ada rezeki tu soon. *amin*

I feel my heart has been ripped out of my chest and torn to pieces.

The phone finally did ring, the baby we were promised for adoption was born on the 20th of Feb ( on our fourth wedding anniversary) at 5am in ripas hospital. Pete and I waited outside the operating theatre and was there when the baby came out. We were there and held him in our arms when he was safe in his cot. He was beautiful and I thought he was mine.

Then it all began to go wrong.

The biological mother said there was another couple who wanted the baby and was going to give her $3000 so she is giving the baby to them.

Then she changed her mine and took some more of our money. She has promised us the baby a MONTH ago. We have bought a whole lot of baby stuff, we have painted the nursery, Peter wanted ducks on the walls while I wanted dinosaurs.

Last night I went home very afraid.

This morning we visited her again and it all came out, turned out she has promised this baby to the other couple and agreed to give it to them a long time ago too.

She wanted to give her baby to the highest bidder.

My parents, especially my dad told me to back out and not play her game.

So we backed out and now I have a baby room with no baby.

A trunk full of newborn clothes for no one.

A name that means nothing..

I have not stopped crying, the good thing is we got all our money back but the last month has been hell, the last few days have been worst!

I thank everyone for their support, all my friends and family for their love.

But please stop telling me to be strong.

I am falling to pieces… it hurts so bad…

I held him in my arms when the Ustaz said the call for prayer, I kissed him goodbye.

Now I will never know him, I will never have him.

I know this is for the best, I know if we kept him, the conniving mother would have haunted us for years begging for money.

Forgive me if I hide from the world for a bit, I need to pick myself up again, get a bit stronger.

But right now, I am hurting so badly, I cant breathe. Please make it stop.

I feel so much anger towards her, so much pent up rage.

I could kill this woman with my bare hands right now.

Why did she think she could play with our emotions and destroy our dreams?

I hope she gets what she deserves, I hope that baby is safe.

I hope I can get through this but right now, it feels impossible.